We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
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