You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
Periouds do not concern me. Biploogival needs are buological needs.
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
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