The way white people respond to them, you'd think Journey was the president of Caucasia.
I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
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