new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
Randomize
