Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
she told me that she was curious about how cum tasted. of course i left you.
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
Randomize
