Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
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