K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
Randomize
