planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
Randomize
