your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
Randomize
