I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
Randomize
