i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
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