In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
no it's cool...i'm just drinking and studying...cool night
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
This is like 50 shades on steroids but with healthy relationship models and mutual respect among all parties involved and lesbian activity.
Randomize
