you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
I seem to have left my pride at pride
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
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