Nicole vs. Life
hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
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