i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
Randomize
