did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
Randomize
