you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
I wish i could go to google and type in drug dealers and it would bring up a number, a product and direction
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
Randomize
