Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
I drew a nude short fat middle aged woman today and liked it
It was honestly one of my favorite days in art class except for the 20 min she faced me and kept looking at me and we made eye contact
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
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