We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
Randomize
