I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
Randomize
