Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
Randomize
