I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
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