I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
oh posh. I need a real boy. To fill my void. This guy has potential. He is a Republican.
***** and i were talking about Republicans today. They are usually the champs of mediocrity but we decided mediocrity is underrated.
Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
Randomize
