The maid of honor just puked.
watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
Report just came out that Tim Tebow is a virgin but I have proof he is not. He's bent Florida State over the last four years in a row.
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
I approve. Last time I was there, I left E's room to get a drink of water. Found M sitting on the kitchen counter in his boxers hammered and eating a banana. He proceeded to feed me the rest of his banana then went to bed with the lights on. You two will be great.
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
Hey mike is locked out, sleeping on the common room couch, no idea where his pants are nor does he know where he is. When you get this let him in? And let me know ur alive too!
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