I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
at a bar and heard one girl tell another her tampon string was showing she goes i dont want it in anymore anyways. then proceeds to pull out her tampon in the middle of the bar and leave it on a plate. ewwww
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
Randomize
