just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
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