I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
Randomize
