Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
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