Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
Randomize
