i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
found a naked boy completely buried under a pile of her clothes and terrified...she says she was "saving him for later"
he has been on a 2 week bender, has been homeless for a week and a half, and leaves for madagascar in 2 days. Do we worry or is that normal?
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
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