he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
Is the Glover Park Chipotle past the strip club?
Why is that your only point of reference?
Just answer the question
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
Randomize
