I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
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