i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
was i over the top when i said that i wished they made v-neck pants to her?
Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
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