oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
Randomize
