??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
Randomize
