Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
I was not drunk enough for that final.
Randomize
