my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
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