Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
The only ground rules are no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea" or "what if we get arrested?"
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
Randomize
