omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
She was sucking his dick at Seacrets outside bar in front of all of us...her friends kept coming over crying and yelling "Tiffany stop it"
kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
Randomize
