Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
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