My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
Randomize
