Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
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