I hate your face
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
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