Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
Yes, that's a picture of my balls. It isn't however an answer to my question.
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
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