I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
Randomize
