I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
this beer tastes like vomit already
WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
These tits shall not be calmed
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
Randomize
