I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
Your shirt... Was in my pants
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
Randomize
