I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
its not facebook stalking, its market reasearch
Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
Randomize
