So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
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