I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
Randomize
