that's fine. btw we still need $500 for the donkey...
we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
Randomize
